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I am not (yet) doing DM but about to start (T65 Inbound) and letting the pro get my lists. However I did choose the zips based on proximity to my home with x-referenced demographics based on income, home ownership and median age.
My online fishing hole targets mostly females age 64+ in my state. I get a few males but my target is females.
Males don't spend time online looking for information and if something arrives via USPS that even smells like a solicitation it is rarely opened.
As for the men marrying younger women, I think it is the other way around. Younger women are marrying older men. When I see an age difference of 5+ years with the man being older, he often will be working past 65. If there is a big age difference he may never retire because college tuition is coming up in a few years.
I've also found it's almost always the wife calling to figure out what her husband is going to do. I usually do the whole thing with the wife, then the husband sits down at the final meeting and we do the application after I make sure he doesn't have any questions.
Women are general the buyers, regardless of who it is...